Have you ever been attacked by a vulture? Not just any old vulture, but a kamikaze vulture? And not just any old kamikaze vulture, but one that is the size of an albatross? Before Saturday August 22, 2020 my wife and I would have answered “no” to those questions, but today we can definitively answer in the affirmative.
I was driving in the middle lane on I-75 with a semi-truck in the right lane driving slightly in front of me and an SUV to my left. Suddenly, a kamikaze vulture appeared to be catapulted from the top of the semi! To gain an appreciation of how large this bird was as it was coming towards us I was certain it was an albatross. This excessively large blob came falling out of the sky and it was like a slow motion, 3D movie. It appeared to be dawdling along slowly targeting the perfect spot to smash into our windshield. While at the same time it appeared to be a heat seeking missile and our utter destruction was imminent.
This kamikaze vulture/albatross smashed into its intended target. Our windshield was struck and between that sound and the shaking of the car I have been told it registered 7.6 on the Richter scale. Okay, I am lying about that but there was a loud thump. The driver’s side wiper blade was bent into a 90 degree angle rending it completely useless. An indescribable white substance splattered everywhere causing my car to appear to be heading straight for Fred Sanford’s junk yard.
Automatically, my mind started down a path that lead to a mixture of confusion, chaos and disarray. Some, but not all, of my thoughts were as follows: “My windshield wipers are completely useless and as I am currently driving there are not just one, but two hurricanes in the gulf.” (Unlike the Richter scale comment, that was true.) “How much is this stupid kamikaze vulture/albatross going to cost us? “ Yes, we have insurance, but our deducible is set so high that it was going to cost us an arm and a leg.” [An arm and a leg would be costly but not be as expensive as a liver as I have decided used livers must be lined with gold because those things are pricey. Yet once again, I get off my point.]
So when my negative thoughts had me surrounded as much as Davy Crocket at the Alamo, Noreta said “let’s pull off at the next exit and look for an auto parts store as it is going to rain.” Noreta reaffirmed her inner genius; that same inner genius that made her say “I do” 1 ½ score and 7 years ago. (Okay, for all of you not named honest Abe that is over 37 years ago.) The point of this paragraph is to point out my bride is at the top of the class when it comes to intelligence; especially when she is selecting a husband and while be attacked by a kamikaze vulture/albatross.
Since most of my readers (I think I have three now) will not be attacked by a kamikaze vulture/albatross, what is the point of this blog? It simply is this: Hard times will come. Sometimes those hard times arrive in the form of COVID or kamikaze vulture/albatross or that the Big 10ish or PAC 12 don’t get to play football. Hard times will come. (I know it can be debated that the Big 10ish and the PAC 12 don’t really play football anyway, but that is for another blog. Get to the point Ken, people are stopping reading due to the length of this blog. ) The point is that hard times will come.
When that trouble does spatter all over your life’s windshield where do your thoughts take you? Do they help you remain calm or do they drive you into deeper fretfulness? Do you think “this stupid kamikaze vulture/albatross is ruining the rest of my life?” Or do you think, “Let’s try pulling over and looking for an auto parts store.” If we let our thoughts run amok, our problems will continue to grow and grow and grow. Over 2000 years ago a man named Paul wrote some great thoughts about our thoughts. He transcribed that we are to “take every thought captive.” So when these thoughts that will only lead to destruction start piling up take them captive and think about “whatever is true, noble, right …”
The next time you are driving down the interstate of life and get dive bombed by a kamikaze vulture/albatross take your thoughts captive, listen to your wife, pull over, find an auto parts store and get on with your life. As one who has had up close and personal experience with a kamikaze vulture/albatross you will be grateful you did.
