Be worshipful

Recent Blogs

Yet Another Flag at Half

Be Reflective

Be worshipful

We Walk With the Dying

Be worshipful

#
May 1, 2020
Recently, I almost walked out of church in the middle of a service. Why? We were singing a song about heaven. That’s correct. That day I hated singing about heaven.

I recall the very specific time when I gripped the back of the chair in front of me to keep from simply walking out. It was in the early months of 2019, just one year ago. About that time, we received news that the mass on my liver was indeed cancer. In 2018 it had been biopsied twice in a 7 month time frame. Both times the pathology report was incorrect as the report stated it was benign when in fact it was malignant.

That was the start of the bad news. After discovering that yes in fact my mass was cancer, the immediate question is “what do we do?” So we went to a liver surgeon whose entire professional career centered on surgery; specifically liver surgery. He said he would not perform the surgery because its location was so close to an artery. He stated, “If I nick the artery, you will bleed out on the table.” That was not the news we were looking for and for a long time after that, the news continued to be unwanted.

The week when we were getting bad news piled on top on bad news, was the same time when I was gripping the chair at church. I don’t recall the song but I know it was about heaven and for that day anyway it came across to me as “life stinks; let’s all just go now.” I am quite certain that was not the objective of the song, but on that day I didn’t want to discern the true intent of the lyrics. Being perfectly honest, I want to go to heaven, but I didn’t want to go at that time in my life. There was some reality of the lyrics of the old bluegrass song, “Everybody wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die.”

Yet that was not the only thing at that interval of my life that was wrenching my emotions. As a Hospice Chaplain, I deal with people who are dying every day. While I experience the following on an almost daily basis these visits were suddenly not atypical due my own health trepidations. My emotions were edgy.

The first patient was a retired military man whose mind was just as clear as mine, but his bodily functions were completely gone. He was lying in his bed, just as he had done the day before. And the day before that. He lay there in his diaper, just has he had done the day before. And the day before that. On this day, he began begging me to ask God to allow him to die. If his words were an isolated occurrence that I only heard from him, it would be very sad, but not tragic. But the tragedy is this is not an uncommon request. As I left the man’s home, I got in my car, drove around the corner and wept.

But that was not the only time that day that I would weep. As I entered the second home, I immediately saw the eyes of the primary care giver. The patient’s life was being devastated by the horrible disease of dementia. His mind and bodily functions were gone. But what was still present was his daughter, who had assumed the role of her daddy’s round the clock care giver.

It was her eyes that I remember to this day. One common denominator with family members who shoulder the role of care is that the eyes have two distinct characteristics. One of those qualities is love. They are not simply looking at the shell of a person, they are eyeballing their daddy. This is momma. This is their chosen for life spouse. This is their child. So when you look very intently into the eyes of a caregiver, you can see love. But you have to look deeply because love is rarely the first feature you notice. The first is always exhaustion. If the eyes are the windows of the soul, deep within the soul of every caregiver is exhaustion. 24/7 365 and no definitive end in sight. While exhaustion and love are a common sight for me, this week they screamed at me because of my health issues. Just as when I had left the first family’s house only an hour before, I once again got in my car, drove around the corner and wept.

What does all this have with being quarantined? Isn’t this supposed to be yet another of Ken’s all-too-long- for Facebook posts concerning our time of social distancing? Yes, it is, but please keep reading this all-too-long- post. It will give you clues on how this ties in with “Be Kind;” “Be appreciative”; “Be reflective” Have you noticed that each one of these already-way-too-long- posts are getting even longer? (The point, Ken, get the point.)

During this global pandemic, things are not what they ought to be! When will life return to normal because life ought to be normal? Shouldn’t it? We ought to be able to get out of our own homes, not incarcerated in them. We ought to be working. We ought to be able to go to a restaurant. We ought to be able to hold our grandchildren. Some people are dying who desperately want to live. Others are living who desperately want to die. We should not have to sing about heaven when no one wants to die. Except, of course, for those who are certain it is time to die but just cannot do it. Things just aren’t what they ought to be. Let’s get back to the ways things ought to be.

Whoa Nellie. Let’s slow down a little. I have lived by the mantra of “things being the way I think they ought to be”, almost all of my life. Yet when we live like that, it leads to a very slippery slope of placing ourselves as smarter than God. Mark Rutland wrote the following in his book, The Courage to be Healed. “It is magnified by one’s internal sense of justice, the way things ought to be in the universe. That is actually blaming God.” (p. 72) Ouch.

What is at the root of this “oughtness?” I think it is pride as pride is at the root of our insecurities and failures. Often it is pride that keeps us from connecting with our Creator. When life does not go as planned, we question God’s wisdom. Someone dies too soon. Someone else outlives their body’s functionality. Currently we are certain that this quarantined world just ain’t what it ought to be.

CS Lewis is wrote in Mere Christianity that “pride is spiritual cancer.” And that brings us back to the introduction regarding my liver cancer. Cancer does not fit into the “oughtness” of life. Neither does COVID, self- distancing, not being able to hold or even see our grandchildren, not being able to work, and not being able to walk in a park. If we are not careful, that “oughtness” will lead to envy, bitterness, anger and pride. Those are a part of the COVID “15” (like the freshman 15) that you and I do not want to be weighed with.

So what is the solution? How do we break out of this awful “oughtness?” It is worship! Be worshipful. Be kind. Be authentic. Be reflective. Worship is the key to breaking up that pride that is concreted in our hearts. And this is from a guy who didn’t even want to sing about heaven about a year ago.

One final story. Last week, “Almost Home” by MercyMe was played. I went on my back porch and kept replaying it and replaying it and replaying it. I then sat and cried. (Do you sense a pattern here?) While it talks of heaven, it is not simply “the world stinks, let’s go to heaven now!” No, after listening and crying; crying and listening I didn’t take it like I did when the song in church was being sung a year ago. While “Almost home” speaks of heaven, I think its theme is that the hope of heaven motivates us to keep going in life.

Craig Morgan of MercyMe wrote:

Sister run wild, run free
Hold up your head
Keep pressing on
We are almost home

So take joy in the journey
Even when it feels long
Oh find strength in each step
Knowing heaven is cheering you on

During this stay at home pandemic, instead of being so concerned regarding what ought not to be, let’s worship! Loosen the grip on that church chair. Go out on your back porch and sing, listen and cry. Worship! We have a cheering section rooting for all of us.

Are you disappointed
Are you desperate for help
You know what it’s like to be tired
And only a shell of yourself
Well you start to believe
You don’t have what it takes
‘Cause it’s all you can do
Just to move much less finish the race
But don’t forget what lies ahead

Almost home
Brother it won’t be long
Soon all your burdens will be gone
With all your strength
Sister run wild, run free
Hold up your head
Keep pressing on
We are almost home


Well this road will be hard But we win in the end Simply because of Jesus in us It’s not if but when So take joy in the journey Even when it feels long Oh find strength in each step Knowing heaven is cheering you on

We are almost home
Brother it won’t be long
Soon all your burdens will be gone
With all your strength
Sister run wild, run free
Hold up your head
Keep pressing on
We are almost home
Almost home
Almost home

I know that the cross has brought heaven to us
But make no mistake there’s still more to come
When our flesh and our bone are no longer between
Where we are right now and where we’re meant to be
When all that’s been lost has been made whole again
When these tears and this pain no longer exist
No more walking we’re running as fast as we can
Consider this our second wind

Almost home
Brother it won’t be long
Soon all your burdens will be gone
With all your strength
Sister run wild, run free
Hold up your head
Keep pressing on
We are almost home
Almost home
Almost home
We are almost home
Almost home
Almost home
We are almost home