How are you holding up in this trip to Gilligan’s Island? What was supposed to be a 3 hour tour has turned into a seemingly endless trip with Bill Murray to Groundhog Day. Every day in quarantine feels like the one before: wash, rinse, repeat. Because of my liver transplant in January, Noreta and I have been in lock down for almost 3 full months full of days. About the time I was healthy enough to just start getting out of the house the world turned into Alice in Wonderland and made no sense at all. So we were practicing social distancing before practicing social distancing was cool.
I don’t write those words to “one up” you regarding how long you have been in your home -okay, maybe I am just a little. But I do write these words to attempt to articulate what I am learning about myself and relating to others. Frequently, I have asked myself the question: What do I do when I wait? And wait. And wait. Yes, it will be over someday, but when is someday? That lack of awareness raises tension. When I am tense, my words are not ones I am proud of. There is something each is of can practice to minimize the tension. Let’s be appreciative.
A few weeks ago I wrote a post on one insight I have attempted to practice during our confinement and that is to “be kind.” If you didn’t read that post, it is available in books stores everywhere as long as you have your phone with Facebook. I have heard from people stating that the post meant something to them and I thought “I appreciate the fact that they took the time to respond.” That led me to today’s insight on being quarantined. It is simply this: Be appreciative.
Is expressing sincere appreciation for you difficult? In a very similar manner to Gary Smalley’s classic, The Five love Languages, I understand that people give and receive appreciation in different manners. So we must ask ourselves if we are expressing appreciation in a language that those we are confined with will receive. One question we must ask ourselves is this: Do people know I appreciate them? Someone stated that if you wink in the dark, you know you’re doing it, but no one else does. Do the people you are isolated with know you appreciate them?
I think to answer that question we have to first ask ourselves one very difficult question: what keeps me from expressing appreciation? We could say we were raised in a home that lacked gratitude and that might be true. I was raised in a home that didn’t have a computer yet I continue to post and post and post. My point is we can learn new things; including learning to be appreciative. But I haven’t answered the difficult question: what keeps me from expressing appreciation? For me it’s simple. When I don’t want to express sincere appreciation it is this: I am selfish. That’s correct. Ken Bish is selfish. Way too selfish.
When we are selfish we begin to play the “one up game” I mentioned earlier. What is the “one up game?” It is when we want to convince others we have it worse than they do. Does the following sound like something that was stated at your home? “Honey can you take out the trash? “You do it, I already cooked dinner.” “Well you might have cooked dinner, but I changed the baby’s dirty diapers.” “Well you may have changed the dirty diapers, but I not only cooked dinner, but I weeded the flower beds.” “That’s nothing, I changed the dirty diapers and I washed the car.” “You think that’s a lot, I not only cooked dinner and weeded the flower beds but I also cleaned the gutters. “ Now in exasperation the trump card is played. “I have had it with you. I not only changed the dirty diaper and washed the car, but I spent time with your mother today!” Boom. End of “one up game.”
Besides the trash not being taken out, the problem in that house is a lack of appreciation. What they are saying is “Look at all I have done already. I work so hard around here did you even notice?” The source of that is grounded in a lack of appreciation. At the very core of lack of appreciation is selfishness.
When I was a pastor in Lakeland the following was an entire sermon that I preached. I walked to the pulpit and said the following: “Philippians 2:3 states ‘do not be selfish.’ There are several things in the Bible that we do not understand. This verse we understand, we just don’t live out.” End of sermon. I sat down. I didn’t need to list 3 points on not being selfish or how to be appreciative. We already know what that means. We simply need to live them out.
So today, as tensions rise around the house, let’s keep things simple. In addition to being kind, let’s try to be appreciative to those who are caged with us. This three hour tour will find its way to back to reality at some point.
